Whining?

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Quick update about my life, I have finished my education in France and earned my master degree. I have decided to try out my luck by applying for Jobs in Europe. While waiting for that, I am taking a German course, 3 languages are not enough for me. Yeah, I am THAT ambitious. HA. (im just being sarcastic if you're not notice).

Long story short, living as a Jobseeker always been an interesting phase to start writing a blog. You have plenty of time in your hand and what is better than whining out your misery in Blog while still being productive. HA. (again, Im just being sarcastic).

Anyway, being in this phase is always an unique experience. I have always tried to come up with many solutions to keep my sanity. Just to feel that Im good enough to work somewhere. After rejection and rejection and rejection, dont you think is normal for you to question your competence? your capabilities? your faith in God?.

I have always, ALWAYS, try to be a positive person. Try to see a silver lining in every situation. Try to understand what God's plan for me. Try to remember that God has given me so many blessing.

But still.

It has been many many times my families and my closes friends told me that many people want to have a life like mine. Many people want to achieve what I have achieved. Do not take your achievements and experiences for granted Raisa.

But still.

I tried to remember many reasons why I should be grateful with my life. And it is more than just for my freaking achievements and status. I should remember that no matter how many rejections I had, I still have roof above my head, I still have food on the table, I still have highly function and supportive families.

But still.

A good friend of mine told me "Although we still have roof, food and families, doesnt mean we are not struggling. Doesnt mean we are happy. Doesnt mean we are not allowed to whine".

HA.

Human and their ambitions and their disappointments.

Many many many times I really want to given up. Just want to say "Fuck you God" and then disappeared. But disappeared to where? and who am I to say that shit to God. It's not like God need me more than I need Him.

At some point, I feel tired and burnt out after so many whining, after so many questioning about Life and God.

So maybe for now, I am just going to learn how to keep my head above the water. How to keep my sanity on. And how to be better from myself yesterday.

Maybe after that, just maybe, I can learn how to be a free-spirit Raisa  again who is strong enough to take a leap of faith in God.